Should I stay or should I go?
The end of any relationship whether it be separation or divorce can be such a difficult time for anyone and can procrastinated over for weeks, months or even years!
It’s the stage of not knowing what to do. You weigh up the balance of ‘stay’ verses ‘go’ and all manner of things run through your head.
You can go from being confident to feelings of overwhelm and
self-doubt.
There are so many external factors, especially where there are children involved.
You imagine what your world will look like and how it will affect them moving forward.
How will you develop a healthy relationship with your ex regarding the decisions which affect your children?
You’ve no idea what you will want or indeed need from your divorce going forward and this can lead to feelings of uncertainty and leave you feeling vulnerable.
I work with you to help you find the clarity of mind and the right answers for you and your future.
I offer a safe, confidential space for you to explore your options.
Staying and working on your relationship may be the conclusion you come to. We can then work towards that by identifying where the problem areas or blocks are and implement strategies and techniques to take your relationship forward.
Alternatively, if you come to the conclusion that you wish to proceed with a separation or divorce, I can support you emotionally where your solicitor can support you practically.
Your life will change through divorce, it can be challenging, uncertain and sometimes painful, but it can also be liberating and lead to positive changes and an empowered you.
The strategies you learn will help you take control of your life.
You will choose which path YOU want to take and create a healthy future for yourself and your relationships going forward.
Within the process
When you are within the process of divorce or separation it can throw up a whole new wave of emotions and obstacles.
At times you can feel like you’re wading through treacle as it can be a slow drawn-out process.
There are so many decisions to make but at the same time they cannot be rushed as these decisions will affect your future life.
The advantage of working with me in this process is to help you gain the clarity to make the right choices. Choices and empowering decisions that you have one chance to make.
This is the time I can help you to remain strong and stand by your values. I can help you communicate clearly to your Solicitor which in turn can save you time and money.
When you feel weary and worn down and vulnerable and just want it to be ‘all over’ I can guide you to your inner strength. So that you make the decisions that are right for YOU.
You may have a high conflict or toxic relationship with your ex.
There may be elements of controlling behaviour, of bullying or gas lighting (where someone manipulates you into doubting your own memory, perception or judgement).
In these instances, I can help you build resilience, manage your anxiety, stress and work towards an attainable level of open communication, especially if there are children involved.
Post -Divorce
When all the decisions have been made and the legal documents signed, there can be a great sense of ‘now what’?
When we work together, we can work towards what will be your healthy boundaries. How to adjust to your new life and fill the void that your partner once filled.
I can help you work through any feelings of guilt you may have so you don’t carry those forward, but also the feelings of loss or sadness you may encounter from the breakdown of your relationship.
When you have been with someone for any length of time it’s natural to grieve that relationship and/or feel sadness, even if it was your decision to leave. It’s ok not to be ok.
Together we will work through these emotions, understand the root cause and then release them.
Loss of confidence and identity are also common post-divorce. I know, I really struggled with my identity after my divorce.
Click here for a free ‘7 Steps to Reconnect’ download which will help you begin to find yourself again.
Together we can explore who YOU are, what YOU want.
This is YOUR life now and It’s my passion to help you walk forward, empowered with clarity and your head held high.
How do I move forward?
This can be a time of uncertainty and reflection.
When you have distance and clarity you can reflect back and see areas in your relationship where you think you should have acted differently or may feel you should have ended the relationship sooner.
Carrying these emotional blocks forward do not serve you well.
By helping you explore, process and release these blocks you will be able to move forward, feeling lighter and excited about your future.
If there are no children involved it’s easier to make a clean break.
However some clients have very good relationships with their ex-partners family or friends or have felt uncomfortable with the relationship their ex continues to have with their own family and friends.
Here we can work on what healthy boundaries and coping strategies you can put in place to help you manage your situation.
Maintaining a relationship with your ex when there are children involved can be difficult.
I can help you work towards an attainable level of communication and releasing any negative emotions towards your ex along with any resentment or jealousy you may feel toward them.
It can also be difficult to come to terms with not seeing your children every day if there is a shared care agreement in place.
Working together we can manage your expectations, emotions, feelings and sometimes jealousy if your ex has another partner.
Not knowing how to let go of your past relationship along with any trust issues you may have regarding your ex’s previous infidelities can be difficult.
Letting go is what will help you move forward, feel empowered and when you’re ready, start a new relationship without carrying the emotional blocks from your past relationship forward.
'You cannot change what has happened in the past, you cannot control other people’s behaviour, what you can do is put one foot in front of the other and step forward, Empowered, in control and stronger than you ever thought possible.'
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